I would marry food if I could. It never fails to be there, always gives me comfort, and will never betray me. Awwww.
Archive for May, 2011
The perfect way to drive off the blues on a Monday morning, is to indulge in a good ol’ breakfast.
Not the grab and go kind; but the really sit down and take your time to savour every oosh of bread, bacon, egg, tomato, cheese and scenery (if any) kind.
I am quite a morning person, but it’s not easy to find someone who will jump out of bed early (especially on a weekday) just to do breakfast with you, so I prefer having me-time instead. It’s kinda my way of having a break.
Moreover, I can have this mornin’ melt panini all to myself! My first time trying it and I like it :)
And this is what happens when you’re the only one in the entire restaurant and no one’s looking muahahaha!
See how more people have their kind of break at Kit Kat®‘s Yer Big Break! Blog Challenge.
Hahah I know “YEARS” sounds damn gross, and in fact, it was about 4 years to be exact. Hey, don’t judge me because I know A LOT OF YOU are also guilty of that, and the main reason to not visit the dentist is – fear.
My case is a little different. I love the dentist. I love the feeling of having that “machine” grinding and grooving in between my teeth. The only thing that’s holding me back is MONEY. Dentals are freaking expensive.. heart pain one you know D:
But I thought it’s really HIGH TIME I should go and so there was I, on a Saturday morning, sitting next to these “calcium-chiseling” tools.
It was actually an impromptu decision when I walked past a dental clinic near my house the other day, and $40+ on the price list looked quite okay.. but they got me fooled. It was more like $40×2 lorrrr.
Totalled up to be $80. $55 for polishing + $25 for flouride gel (which they never say need to pay extra leh). *HEART BLOODY BLEEDS.
Well, at least my teeth feels squeaky clean now, and I’m secretly happy.
Frankly speaking, I think I’m quite blessed with naturally decent teeth..
..Decent like Paul!
Got awesome invites to an awesome movie through omy!!
Sayyy what! The almighty clumsy kung-fu-full greedy Dragon Warrior has returned, with double the action, spastic humour, AND touchingness.
Brought Jan, my best friend, along with me; she’s not a fan of animated films and she has never watched Kung Fu Panda before, but she totally enjoyed it without falling asleep. (Because she sleeps in every 3 out of 5 movies that I watch with her LOL.) So it means that if you already liked part 1 to begin with, you’re in for a treat.
My favourite character in the show! I’ve always had a thing for tigers since young because of their ferocity yet elegance, so it’s hard not to fall in love the “Tigress” here with the kind of agility and wittiness she possesses. Moreover, her voice’s dubbed by Angelina Jolie.
I ain’t gonna give any spoilers la. I think you should catch it yourself for optimum pleasure. Erm, I mean enjoyment! You can visit their official kung fu site for the trailer and more insights though.
1. He didn’t love you enough.
In this post I will refer to classic examples of cheaters as “he”. Get used to it. I was cheated on by a guy, of COURSE I’m biased in thinking that most men think with their dicks. I’m speaking from first-hand experience.
How should I put this???
If your boyfriend / husband managed to ignore all his morals (if any) and whatever relationship values he had with you and shove his filthy wart-filled penis into another slut’s punani, then he DEFINITELY DIDN’T LOVE YOU ENOUGH.
No self-respecting guy who treasures his girl would ever consider doing that to her, even if the passion has dulled and the relationship is a bore. The least a decent guy could do is to tell the girl it’s not working out, end the relationship in truce, then he is free to go shag himself silly after that, nobody will really care. (Although everyone will think you’re an asshole.)
But when your cheating boyfriend comes and begs you to forgive him because he didn’t mean it and that he is sooooo sorry..
DON’T BELIEVE HIM.
Especially if it’s not the first time – he’s not sorry as sorry for cheating as he is for being caught.
Look, cheating is not an involuntary physical condition. It’s a choice, and one that he MADE. At the expense of your trust and emotions.
Trust someone like that? No way.
I won’t lie, I’ve found myself close-ish to cheating situations before, when I was facing very rocky times with my ex, I met nice and cute guys who offered a shoulder for me to cry on and there was once my lips were inches away from this very attractive guy’s. (Yes cheating does not only consist of having sex. Emotions and things like kisses count too.)
But you know what?
I didn’t kiss one of the cutest guys I’ve ever gone out with. I THOUGHT about doing it, but 2 seconds after realizing how close I am to doing what I’m thinking about doing, the thought of it sickened me to the core and I found myself abruptly getting up to leave, before things got really ugly and messy, much to Mr. Cute Guy’s disappointment.
I can safely tell you that in EVERY cheater’s mind, there will come a time where their conscience has a face off with temptation.
And it goes a little like this:
Temptation: Man that chick is looking mighty fine with her tits hangin’ out for me to gawk at and all yo!
Conscience: What? How can you say that? You have a girlfriend.
Temptation: But my girlfriend ain’t fineeee like that yo!!!
Conscience: Ew gross. What kind of a slut tries to seduce another chick’s boyfriend like that? Grow up and go home to your girl. You’re better than that.
Temptation: DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN I’M TRYING TO FEEL UP SOME TITTIES HERE!!!
Ok actually that was kinda optimistic.
More like it would’ve been:
Conscience: Dude you have a girlfriend waiting for you at home you know.
Temptation: Yeah but have you seen those gorgeous tits, man?
END OF CONVERSATION.
The point I’m trying to get at is – it’s not entirely true when he says he only did it “because he wasn’t thinking”. Unless he is seriously retarded or in a coma, everyone’s brains are functionally working every second of the day.
Perhaps he wasn’t thinking STRAIGHT (obviously), he was definitely THINKING alright, because he consciously and readily made the decision of hurting your feelings in order to gain temporary relief and satisfaction.
He made a little mental evaluation in his head that sex with some hoe would bring him more gratification than his relationship with you. He made the decision that…. your feelings were irrelevant, and that his sexual desires are of much greater importance.
Before you rush into his arms again and think about forgiving him, think about how this fact makes you feel.
2. He says he will never do it again.
Remember when he last said that a year ago?
No? He’s never cheated on you before?
Well, do you remember when he said he would LOVE you?
Does cheating on you seem like good lovin’ to you? (Refer to point 1.)
That’s right. The answer is no.
I’m not saying your cheating ex didn’t love you honey, I just said he didn’t love you ENOUGH. What constitutes good, proper loving? I am in no position to tell you what your relationship needs, since everyone thinks of love in different ways. But as a well-grounded girl who’s been in both healthy and unhealthy relationships, I can sure as hell say you don’t need a lying horny selfish manipulative bastard in your life.
I remember when I was crying my eyes out in my mum’s room asking her for advice, one lonely night 3 years ago. Nothing new, the same old “OMG HE LIED OMG WHAT SHOULD I DO?!”
She had a sad look in her eye when she said “Leopards never change their spots.”
In other words, liars are manipulative blood suckers who feed off causing other people pain and the thrill of deceiving others successfully. Some people are just born this way.
Some people are born without legs, arms, sight, hearing, and some people are just born without the ability to love someone else wholeheartedly.
As hard as it is to fathom…. it’s a cold hard fact.
If he can hurt you once, he can hurt you again. Nobody can tell you whether he truly WILL do it again or not, but let’s just be safe and bet on the fact that he bloody will and save yourself some heartbreak, will ya?
Do you really wanna even risk going through all that emotional and physical pain again? When the person you love so much tears you apart and stomps on the shattered pieces of your fragile heart, the pain becomes physical.
Your chest feels so tight from the tugging pain in your heart (yes it really feels like someone is tugging on my heart strings and gripping my heart so very tightly in their hands), you can hardly think normally from the endless hours of crying and your eyes can’t even open properly because they’re swelled up from all the tears and even breathing seems like a chore.
I hate how men say, “But baby, it didn’t mean anything, I swear!”
Well guess what asshole?!? IT MEANT SOMETHING TO ME.
A whole freakin lot, in fact. It hurt my feelings, cut me deep and erased whatever trust I ever had for you, does that mean ANYTHING to you at all? Can it not be about YOU and your penis or your non existent feelings for once?
It doesn’t matter if it was only JUST that one time to you.
Cuz one time – that’s all it takes for the image and knowledge of it occuring to haunt me for the rest of my life. Enough to make me cry a river of tears and feel worthless, thanks to you. So “one time” isn’t a small deal to me like it is to you.
It was never about the physical activity you had going on with her.
It was always about the fact that you chose her, over me, your girlfriend, the one you supposedly “love”.
Of course, it’s not easy to let go, and talk is cheap. I know. I was stuck in that situation for more than 2 years, cursing myself everyday for allowing myself to prolong the pain. But no pain, no gain.
And through this experience I’ve definitely gained some insight and first hand experience on how to deal with lying assholes.
I have also realized that it wasn’t entirely his fault that the lies went on for so long. I should have stopped this one way train to self-destruction dead in its tracks when I had the chance the very first time I found out.
But no, like the world’s biggest sucker I happily lapped up all his lies and whatever bullshit he chose to feed me with and in return, LIED to myself that HE wasn’t lying.
Does that even make any sense???
I thought…. well, it’s been a facade this whole time, so what if I continue living in this facade for a little whole longer? Couldn’t hurt.
But everyone snaps out of self-denial eventually and the pain will hurt you harder than ever, because in the end you have nobody to blame but yourself. Which brings me to my next point.
3. It’s NOT your fault, and you CAN’T fix him.
Whenever people ask, “Why are you still with him?” I give them a forced feeble smile but no answer. I utter a weak “things are better now….” and in my head it continues, “But it’s only a matter of time before things turn to shit again.”
Self-denial is dangerous. Sometimes you lose track of what’s happening in REALITY and what’s being faked in your idealistic word.
I think, somewhere along the lines of being lied to a million times, I lost myself. I lost the anger, the strive to want to lead a better life and I ended up being submissive. Instead of blaming him, I started blaming myself.
….”What’s wrong with me?! I’ve loved him unconditionally and tried to be the best girlfriend I can be, why does he still not love me?
Am I not pretty enough? Does my personality suck? Am I boring, why would he fall for some other chick? Am I just NOT GOOD ENOUGH???
What the fuck is wrong with me?!?!!!!!”
And that is, in all honesty, the worst feeling you can get from being cheated on. When the pain settles in, when you resign to your miserable fate and instead of asking yourself, “Why am I with this douchebag?” you ask….
“What’s wrong with me?”
I spent ALL my remaining time blaming myself, and trying to fix him. Even though I never really told anyone I blamed myself, I did. Beneath that anger was a deep sadness I could never bring myself to express fully.
I tried to fix him…. I tried really, really hard. Tried to fix him so much that in return, I was broken. It was no longer a surprise whenever he lied. It was just like, “It’s okay, if I keep loving him unconditionally, he will love me back someday.”
It was almost as if it was a test to prove myself right. Like, HEY, don’t worry, some day he will think you’re worth something. You just gotta wait for the right moment. It wasn’t even about him anymore.
It was about ME, and my need to make things better. My obsessive need to make sure everything was under control. That I had the ability to make things all right again.
Needless to say, the moment never came. He wasn’t Mr. Right, and in fact he wasn’t even Mr. Right Now.
If I was so smitten, why did I dump him cold-heartedly in the end? Well I can’t really tell you exactly why, all I know is, one day I woke up going, “FUCK THIS SHIT. I’ve had enough.”
“It’s not my fucking fault if this boy does not see a good girl dangling right before his eyes and chooses the whores instead. Tired of teaching him how to love, tired of teaching him how to be an honest, good person. I’m tired of mothering him, and I miss loving myself. I miss putting MYSELF before someone else. I miss me.”
Forget about the good times we had and what we used to share. I want to look forward to the FUTURE, not back on the past, and even though I’m not sure what is in store for me out there, it’ll be brighter than whatever we have now.
Contrary to what most other people believe, relationships are not just about the good times. Life isn’t a sky full of rainbows, sooner or later you’re going to experience worse days, then what? I can have a good time with ANYONE, even with the guy down the street, but does that mean I want to be his girlfriend? Everyone’s nice when the situation is in their favour.
Judge a person not based on their good days, but on their off days. See if you still like that person when their mask comes off and they reveal who they truly are deep down inside.
What makes a relationship solid is when shit hits the fan, can you count on the other person to get your back?
If you can’t…. bail.
Now, while you still can.
Don’t make the same mistake I did.
4. And my final point?
Even if you think you can forgive him, chances are, one day your fascination with him is going to fade and you’re going to wonder what the fuck you’re doing with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
When you look at his face, you won’t see the boy you knew when you first fell in love with him anymore.
All you’ll see is the face of a liar.
When you kiss him, you don’t enjoy the intimacy. Instead you feel grossed out because you can TASTE the nasty residue of that hoe whom he got down and dirty with, behind your back.
When he hugs you, you think of the same hands caressing someone else not so long ago and you feel FILTHY from head to toe.
When you look into his eyes, instead of seeing faith, warmth and trust, all you see is a black hole of emptiness. A reminder of what could’ve been… but never really was.
Every time he says he’s going somewhere with someone, you scrutinize his facial expressions to try and see if he’s telling you a lie. When he says, “I love you baby”, you go “Yeah bloody right” in your head. Whenever he does something else wrong, it somehow always leads back to the time he lied to you and broke your heart.
Things can never be the same again. Time can cover up wounds but it will not change facts or erase memories.
Perhaps you can somehow bring yourself to forgive…. but you will never, EVER forget.
Don’t punish yourself for the mistake he did. It’s just not worth it. Love does not mean blindly caring for him unconditionally, if you’re absolutely miserable in the relationship you’re in at the moment, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stand up for yourself and pursue your own happiness for once….
If you were looking for an answer, I hope you have it now.
What can I say? Other than “I AGREE” with this awesome post written by Shiberty, I can only say “I COULDN’T MUTHAFUCKINGLY ABSOLUTELY TRULY AGREE MORE.”
Cheaters always amaze me. They can say oh-so-touching words and swear upon their hearts and kidneys just to get you back (after being caught), but what is REALLY on their mind?
This coming Sat will be our fifth fucking year anniversary IF we are still together. Haha I don’t know why am I still so hung up over it but screw it la. I’ve never regretted a day ever since I’ve decided to let our relationship go, and now I’m just left with the getting over part, which I think I’m halfway through already.
My very first visit to the bloodbank. Always wanted to donate blood but it has never happened, so when I heard that Janet and Yongwei were doing it after the art jamming session, I jumped at the chance to tag along!
Virgin blood donor I am.
Almost passed out when I saw how thick the needle was.
The nurse who served me was very reassuring and nice. When she saw me fidgeting about trying to snap photos, she straightaway grabbed my phone and helped me to (‘cos we weren’t supposed to move much while the needle is in).
Then she returned me and said, “Nah, I took five for you.” LOL so cute.
Aiya, people noob never donate blood before ma..
My pack of blood and moral supporters! They lao jiao already.
Our colourful bandages in C M Y but no K.
But hor, I’ve been feeling giddy and headachy ever since the donation, and was even down with slight fever and flu. I wonder if it’s the major drop in iron levels or lack if rest after or I simply wasn’t feeling too well to begin with. I think it might a combo of all three :\ Does anyone has similar experiences ah?
Or you can art butter / art kaya / art peanut butter whatever. Okay, la-me stuffs aside. GOOD NEWS IS, I got shortlisted for the Kit Kat®‘s Yer Big Break! Blog Challenge due to my previous post! Woo hoo!
So, to kick start the whole event line-up, 6 omy blogger finalists (the other 4 were out of town) got together for an art jamming session at my art space.
The studio was housed in one of those quaint old shophouses along Tanjong Pagar Road, and the very moment I set foot in, I felt that I’ve entered a different world.
Littered with crude paint stains art grime and all, this whole grungy little space somehow soothes my inner self. You know, the kind of feeling you get (at certain places) where the world just suddenly seemed to spin slower.
Not long after, we geared up in aprons and the art jamming began!
So what exactly is art jamming, you ask. Honestly speaking, I have no idea. The only jam I know of is the music kind, and er, the kind on your bread. I’m totally new to this, but it’s nothing too complicated.
Basically, art jamming is free play painting party with diverse musical genres playing in the background (from Pop, R&B to Soul); which simply means, have fun!
Full-time artist bringing us through the basics of canvas painting.
THE empty canvas. Omg I hate this. It’s the exact same feeling I get whenever I open up a new Photoshop document, and I get freaked out by staring into a blank canvas with a blank mind. Sorry hur, occupational disease.
We were asked to paint what having a break means to us, and with a picture in my head, I got down to work.
I imagined myself cruising down an endless stretch underneath the clear blue skies with candies and chocolates (Kit Kat included of course) planted on both sides of the road. Whoa! Hallucinations of a sweet tooth :D
20 minutes into it and this was what I got – nowhere close to what I wanted so I gave up and requested for a brand new canvas :\
Wrong move, because I ended up not having enough time to finish my second piece. And now that I looked back, the first draft didn’t look THAT bad after all.
Photos courtesy of omy.
Each of us (both bloggers and organisers) had a chance to paint and talk about our own masterpiece, and I thought everyone there are all quite artistically inclined! You think?
We also got to meet Beru Betto, the female illustrator of this artwork.
It’s one of the model works of Kit Kat®’s Yer Big Break! contest if you remember.
And tadah! Here’s my final art piece which I’m not very satisfied with :( The idea is a fantasy world with happy people dancing to music, fishing for Kit Kat, and climbing a ladder (????) on cloud nine. Lol does it even make any sense?
I think I’m too “safe” for art jamming la. You know how some people who can whip out a brush and throw random colours but end product still turn out freaking nice. Damn envious okay.
With both of my half completed paintings.
Me and fellow bloggers, or you can call them competitors wahahaha.
All of us!
Kit Kat also gave us an exclusive take home art jamming kit. Super cute right! Check out the miniature canvas!
Remember, have a break and have a stick..
..of Kit Kat.
See how more people have their kind of break at Kit Kat®‘s Yer Big Break! Blog Challenge.img src=”http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/kt_terappin/otherz/11kitkat_artjam_14c.jpg” class=”alignnone” /
Fuck knights in shining armours, prince charmings or whatsoever heroes because I am Kaiyi AND I AM MY OWN SUPERWOMAN muahahah! Except that I can't fly, and er, I don't wear my undies on the outside.