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Category: Rants (page 5 of 32)

Why I Don’t Want Kids

1. Expensive.

The extreme high cost of living in Singapore is such a turn off. Unless me and my partner’s incomes increase by a fold, having kids will be a struggle. It’s not even about the ridiculous prices in the beginning ($600 per month child care, $80 milk powder, $XXXX toys and god-knows-what); the costs will continue to grow for at least two more decades, especially when wage stagnation, unemployment, over population, and competition will all be more apparent in the future. If they grow up useless, I don’t want to continue providing them for the rest of my life.

2. Screwed up society.

This is becoming very real. Look at the kids these days. Secondary school kids dressing up and behaving like adults; college students starting families due to unplanned pregnancies; underage smoking and drinking etc. Yes, it depends on the upbringing, but we still can’t control what they pick up from their friends and everything on the internet.

3. So stress.

I don’t want my children to go through what I’m going through multiply by ten. The stress and pressure (especially in Singapore) will only get worse. And we are not just fighting against our own people, we have to fight against more and more imported people. Doesn’t help that our government are more protective over them than us citizens, though they are trying to look like they’re not.

4. F A T.

My waistline armline legline neckline are all gonna expand like balloons, and I’m afraid that I won’t have enough time or self-determination to shave those extra KGs off. Even if I do, I don’t think anything can save me from those nasty stretch marks.

5. Bye bye freedom.

Freedom to travel. This alone, is enough to rob my soul away.

6. Karma.

I’ve gossiped and laughed too much. I’m really afraid that all the bad things that I’ve said about others will all happen to my kids.

7. I might forget about my kid.

Leaving my kid on a table / in a cab and walking away after that sounds like something I’ll be guilty of. I’m so absent minded I can’t take care of myself and my belongings, how can I look after another human being?

8. Who’s gonna take care?

Nows a days, both parents have to work in order to support a family (unless you marry someone rich). Working parents will leave their children either in the hands of their own parents or a childcare. The former will spoil your kid, and the latter will run into attention and hygiene problems which will make doctor trips a routine.

9. Hassle much.

Every time you go out – milk bottle, milk powder / breast pump, stroller, toys / iPad, dunno-simi-wako that will take up one big bag. Good if you can afford a car; good luck if you’re on public transport. When they start wailing or throw tantrums, everyone is gonna throw dagger stares at you.

10. Harder if things don’t work out.

Adultery, dying love, simply cannot live together; there are many reasons that call for THE extreme solution – a divorce. However, having kids makes separation even more difficult and painful.

11. Above all, I’m selfish.

Yup I am, and having children are not for selfish people. You must be selfless. You must give and provide without expecting anything in return. You must sacrifice without complaining. If you procreate because you want your next generation to take care of you, then don’t bother, ‘cos the mentality is wrong to begin with.

Can’t believe that I used to wanna get married and 24 and have kids at 25. Now that I’m 25+, things that happened along the way totally changed my mindset. Though I’m pretty firm right now, things will change again later so it’s good to jot down my current “I don’t want kids” mindset. Ten or twenty years later, I’ll look back at this entry with either with agreement, regret, or with my own kiddos sitting on my lap.

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All Within An Hour+

Inspired by ‘The Wolf of Wall Street,’ tempted by a friend, and overruled by greed; I traded my first penny stocks today.

Bought at 0.04 and sold at 0.041, I thought I made a quick turnover of $300 less some handling fees (can’t be that much right?), say $200 within an hour+. For those who know can go calculate how much I pumped in. I went out for lunch happy. So naive. However, when close to end day, I saw the status of ‘BUY’ was ‘F’ (‘Filled’ which means confirmed) while the status of ‘SELL’ was ‘E’ (which is ‘Expired’). WTF? I panicked and called in, and they told me it happens. Something something over limit then cannot enter or some shit. I must have sounded like noob when I enquired, and well, I AM.

Blame it on my stupidity.
Blame it on my rashness.
Blame it on my lack of research.

Every cent and dollar was earned painstakingly and saved prudently over the years. It was never given (okay except for ang baos?). And it’s not like I’ve never been warned. SIGH. JUST. PLAIN. RETARDED. Tomorrow will determine the life and death as it is the deadline for the company to meet the requirements to be removed from the Watch-List. I don’t even know what the hell that meant and I just plunged it blindly. Also, I found out that even at the price I thought I sold wasn’t enough to cover the handling fees. I need another 0.001 boost to earn a profit.

Ranted on the phone to Loti on the long bus ride home and came home to a dark empty house. My heart sank further. Guessed that family had left for movie watching which they didn’t invite ‘cos I showed slight disinterest yesterday (but I could really use that today). Five minutes later, dad returned and handed me something, “Mummy bought you a cup. She say you like one.” Surprised, I ripped it apart.

It was a random cup that I casually mentioned was cute while passing by a shop yesterday. But I had no thoughts of buying it and didn’t expect mum to buy either ‘cos confirm bo hua. Haha but thanks to her, my mood literally got lifted up. It was then that I realised that whatever on paper is not important; it’s all these little acts of love by your loved ones that really matters.

In life, you win some and lose some. I can only hope for the best tmr and if anything, this will well serve as a fucking huge lesson.



I got my numbers wrong again. The fees really aren’t THAT much and I’d have earned a profit if sold at my initial price hahaha. Anyways, it’s over now and I made about $300+, slightly more than intended. But for the kind of risk, headache, insomnia, stress, heart attack, disorientation, I think it’s not worth it. Until I have better knowledge and too much free time (to monitor), I hope I’ll be staying clear.

100-Day Plan V

My previous plan felt more than accomplished. So here’s my first fresh 100-day plan in 2014.

From 14 Feb 2014 – 24 May 2014.

  1. Go for my first health screening. Other than super high bad cholesterol levels and lots of white blood cells in my urine (which I can’t figure out why), all is good. Phew.
  2. Change all my signatures in official accounts (banks, insurance, etc). Done!
  3. Start some shared funds with Loti to save for our wedding / future house. Not shared funds, but we came out with a savings plan.
  4. Photoshoot with my bike. Shot, and sold.
  5. Switch my entire camera system from Canon to Nikon. Join the dark side muahahaha. Switched with no regrets.
  6. Do 7-minute exercise at least three mornings per week. It’s one of the ways to kick-start a productive day. (Succeeded about 70% of the time.)
  7. Try a new activity or sport. Played penny stocks, skated on a penny board. I think there were a couple of others which I can’t recall.
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First Flea for Flea Sake

Jio-ed by Ash, cousin Peimin and I shared a crate stall at Lucky Plaza last Sunday to sell our pre-owned clothes. It was my first flea ever and it was chaotic man. The crowd is Filipino maids (‘cos Sundays are their offs) and they come in HORDES. I’m not kidding you. They’ll rage through the clothes trying to find their own piece of treasure, and honestly it’s damn encouraging compared to the usual quiet fleas at places like Scape. But the dust, the malfunctioned air-con, the standing, the shouting of prices, the lookout for thieves, made up all the sucky but fun factors unique to such an experience. Our clothes started off with 3 for $10, then 4 for $10, 1 for $2, and finally everything $1! </3

Rental was $100 per stall, and after paying it off, I think I earned either $80 or $180. (I chose to believe the latter.) Peimin did better than me but her heart more pain ‘cos her clothes all so expensive when bought. However, we were still happy to clear our wardrobe in exchange for some usable cash. Instant gratification! :D

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13 Things I’ve Learnt in 2013

1. Say no.

It took me a long time to learn how to say no, but the thing, is you can’t please everyone, forever. Pick up some balls, reject once, and the rest will follow. Rule of thumb is: never say yes when you’re saying no to yourself. BUT if someone proposes with a diamond ring gold bar, just say yes first then sort him out later ;)

2. Speak up.

No one will know your existence if you keep quiet all day. Nobody will go up to a piece of furniture and offer it chocolate cakes or opportunities. Stop being that chair in the office and start rattling.

3. Stop making new year resolutions.

Make multiple 100-day plans instead. Remember, the goals have to be concise like, “eat six times a day,” rather than, “I want to look like a pig.”

4. Appreciate.

It is not in our Asian upbringing to constantly express love verbally, especially to our parents. However, do know that you’re truly blessed if people even bother nagging at you.

People say I love you all the time – when they say, “take an umbrella, it’s raining,” or “hurry back,” or even “watch out, you’ll break your neck.” There are hundreds of ways of wording it – you just have to listen for it, my dear.

– The Curious Savage (John Patrick)

5. Belittle yourself.

You’re not that great. Really. I once thought I could be superman and jump over a stretched rubber band placed at shoulder height (aka zero point) in office, and I ended up cracking my toes. The pain prolonged till now.

6. Never be a slave to anyone.

Not your bestest of friends. (To begin with, a friend should never make you feel that way.) Not even your own boss. Real people actually die from overworking these days. Not worth it.

7. Let go.

Letting go is like repeating point 1 for a thousand times till it has no effect on you. Pretty tough, but achievable. It is necessary in life because people change all the time, including myself.

8. Black and whites are not cool.

Rules and the whole junk of proving this and that is bullshit. I know while mandatory, too much of them gives no free play and sucks humanity TO DEATH.

9. Take chances.

You’ll never know what’s in-store for you next. If you want to do it, go. Spare some considerations for consequences though, then do it with all your heart. YOLO!

10. Don’t procrastinate.

Because I procrastinated to pump my bike tyres, I landed in an accident. Because I procrastinated to install iTunes on my new laptop, I lost my phone without the latest backup files. (Btw, it’s better to setup auto backup in iCloud.) STOP FUCKING PROCRASTINATING.

11. Enjoy boredom.
Motivation and passion cannot keep you going on forever, boredom will. This is similar to the 100-day plan thing (point 3). Using the same example, indulge in the process of binge eating everyday instead of focusing on looking like a pig. Trust me, you’ll get there.

12. Cold showers are good.

Better immunity, higher metabolism, more energy, lots of benefits blah. It think my morning sinus improved after cold showering for a few months.

13. Eat. A lot.

No better way to treat your body and soul. Well, at least for me!

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This is the last night that my parents aren’t at home. For the first time in 25 years, they had finally let go and went on a holiday by themselves, leaving me and bro behind.

I’ve always envied my friends whenever they say that their parents are not in town. House parties and havoc yeaaaa – that’s what I imagined. But in reality it’s not lor.

I injured myself (again) one day before they left, and had been limping around since. Had to work from home for two days and how I wished my mum was around to prepare lunch and dad to buy dinner back. Bro had a high fever over the weekends. It was quite persistent that we almost thought it was dengue. Was pretty lost but luckily my cousin came over. The nights also became darker and quieter, and the house suddenly seemed scarier. Didn’t helped that my TV switches on by itself every now and then.

I love my folks and I honestly cannot imagine moving out without them next time. Who’s gonna wash my clothessss!!! (HAHAHA kidding, but really, who?)

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Quarter-Life Crisis

Or you can call it the mid-twenties crisis lol.

Had the sudden urge to look back at my life so I started scanning my entire baby album – something that I’ve always wanted to do but never did. It’s pretty nostalgic as I tried to recall the last 25 years.


Hello world on 6 Dec 88, 1458, 3kg. I was a pretty fat and bald baby.


Still barely had a few strands of hair, thus I was nicknamed “Tweety bird.” Despite that, my mum dolled me up in girly dresses while my cousins kept sabotaging by turning me into some F1 racer.


Mischievous behaviour started to show. Squirted water out of my mouth in the midst of a hotel dinner with my parents. Kena-ed chicken pox hence my mother drew a portrait of me, ‘cos I guess I was too unglam for photo taking? *Shrugs.


First conscious encounter with the swimming pool and the first thing I screamed to my dad the moment I got in was, “Why can’t I feel the floor!!!!”


Little brother arrived on Earth. I welcomed him by squeezing into his baby cot in the hospital. I like to snatch people’s things muahahaha. Just look at me asking for popcorn from an ang moh stranger at the zoo. I kept putting out my hands till she almost gave me the whole bag. Sibeh buey paiseh.


Got chosen to visit the pilot’s seat while on a flight to Phuket ‘cos I was cute enough. Really. Or there weren’t enough kids around.


Watched too much 黄飞鸿 that I wished I was a boy. Refused to wear skirts, tucked my hair behind my ears, posed like a boy, and even dreamt that I peed standing up. Mum got quite worried so cousin Peimin said MUST send to me a mixed school. Oh btw by the time I was K2, I’ve already switched like five kindergartens ‘cos I went around bullying people (including biting someone’s nose) and my parents received endless complaints.


Indeed I landed in a mixed school called Fengshan Primary. I was the chatterbox in the class. I was the first to wear specs in class. I hung out with the naughtiest kids in class. Despite complaining much about me, my form teacher still sent me for a drawing competition at a Neighbourhood Police Post and I emerged as the first position :O


Nerd. The photo on the left was titled “Hot Mum and Cui Kid” by Yun the moment she saw it. But hey, cui kid got to do parasailing and that’s rather cool.


Mum kept forcing dresses and more dresses on me, including a SIA uniform. I didn’t look too happy.


Got fedup with all the haircuts by my mum and I presumed I could do better. Ended up like shiat and the whole world asked about my self-cut fringe but I still thought it looked “okayyyy whattttt.” Participated in a stage performance at a church I attended with my aunt as a.. wave. HAHA. Then, as if looking like a shitty wave wasn’t enough, I went on a shoplifting frenzy and was almost arrested by the authorities. Was shamed to apologise to all the shops and I saw my father tear for the first time.


Halfway through Primary 5 I had to leave Fengshan and my friends due to house moving. Upgraded from a HDB to our first condo in an unfamiliar area and everything had to change. First learnt to cross roads and take public buses. Thinking back, we seemed pretty pampered.


Made friends in my new school (Yio Chu Kang Primary) and invited them along with my old friends to my house for my birthday. Graduated with PSLE and it was like the stressest thing back then. The competition was stiff ‘cos we were dragon babies. Luckily most friends in my clique got similar results and we enrolled into Xinmin Sec together.


Hueyyen (from Yio Chu Kang Pri) and I got into the same class and CCA, and we formed quite a loserish combo. (I’m still in touch with her and she’s super cool now okay.) Kids from different classes recognised me as the nerd with the ultra thick hideous plastic specs (but little did they expect that it became a trend later lol). I was also so chor lor that I was the ONLY girl who sat with legs wide open in the entire yearbook.


I tried (too hard) to fit in with the popular girls so I grew long hair and ensured that the front always had two long “cockroach feelers” sticking out, just ‘cos it was the “in thing.” Gosh.


Streaming landed me in class E2, but I appealed to be in E1, as I naively thought that taking up Biology will make me a vet when I grow up. I also gave up the art subject (which I scored and loved) for it. Wrong choice. Not only did Bio NOT teach about animals, I ended up in class half-filled with foreign talents. I formed a clique of five called the ‘Angels,’ (*cringe) but I later realised that to everyone in E1, nothing is more important than scoring academically. They were competitive, superficial, and some even scheming. However, I was happy enough to be up-close and personal with my favourite animal – tiger.


The last year in Secondary school was a complete twist. I left my ‘Angels’ clique and reverted back to being a loner. It was Jan who picked me up like a lost puppy and due to her popularity I started hanging out with people from all different classes and streams. I became the worst student in E1 and was made to stay back after school for study groups. The influences from the “less-nerds” also transformed me totally in terms of looks. Upon finishing my last O-Level paper, I immediately went to bleach my hair. Also successfully bugged my mum to let me put on contact lenses for prom night, then I become vainer and vainer. Had my first part-time job as a Christmas tree lightsticks ah lian promoter at Orchard, which followed through with lotsa other jobs – from flyer distributor to shaver promoter.


Went to the JC trial out of sheer fun – exchanged uniforms, crashed classes, skipped classes, played bridge, joined basketball for about one month plus before quitting. I always knew JC wasn’t for me and I was the only one in my E1 class to enter a polytechnic. But I didn’t do any research and went ahead with the first course that was introduced to me during Nanyang Poly open house, which turned out to be half-IT half-engineering when I wanted design. Another dumbest mistake.


Yes, I was in cheerleading if you want a good laugh. Had lots of fun, stunts and falls but I quit after that infamous NYP video incident happened. Worked part-time in Spageddies and there, I got to know my first serious boyfriend.


This was like my PRIME period with overloading female hormones. How to look like that again? T_T Anyway, I specialised into Interactive Media in year 3, made some more new friends, then student life came to an end. FOREVER.


After graduation, I was offered a year’s job back in my poly as a Development Technologist. Took care of four batches of students and even became friends with some of them. My family moved back to HDB (just across the road) but I was more than happy to finally have my own room. Suddenly reconnected with my secondary school friends Jan and Yun, then went for my first friends’ overseas trip with them. Tried clubbing for the first time as well.


21 was the age that I had been looking forward to all my life, ‘cos it meant freedom – freedom to club, freedom to drink, freedom to return home late, etc. However I didn’t know that it was also the key to the expressway of getting old. Stepped into the real working world and kick-started my design career knowing nuts about it. Either I was lucky or the local agencies were really kind.


Did lasik. Chopped off my long hair. Then it got shorter, and shorter, and shorter.. until my then boyfriend got scared and ran off to find some other long hair chicks to bua in clubs. LOL. We broke up, after four and a half years. I didn’t handle it too well.


After a period of single life, I began to enjoy it and did ALL the things I’ve always wanted to do. I got myself a HTML tattoo, saw Jay Chou up-close, got my advanced diving license, got a bike license and my first scooter, quit my job, went for a solo trip to Japan, then BOOM! Out of nowhere, I met Loti and we became an item within three weeks.


The first half of the year was spent bumming around freelancing and enjoying many weekday dates with Loti as he was still in Uni. It felt kinda weird yet amazing to discover our acquainted similarities, but most importantly, I can totally be myself when with him. Then before committing myself back to the workforce during the second half of the year, I traveled to Krabi, Europe and Taiwan. It was way awesome :D


I guess the biggest thing that happened to me was getting engaged to Loti right before our 35-day trip to Taiwan. He just graduated, and didn’t had a job then. Some asked how can I be so sure since I’ve only known him for less than 2 years, but the recent accident proved everything :’) I also made the biggest purchase of my life, which is a BTO flat with Loti. Sucks to be an adult.

Yup, and that’s the gist thus far! Gained some and lost some and along the way but such is life. Everything that happened shaped me to the person I am today and I’m thankful.

P.S. If your name isn’t mentioned, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t important to me, and vice versa.

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