1. Letting themselves get out of shape. If you’ve ever watched The Biggest Loser and questioned the contestants desire, based on their struggles – you’ve never been out of shape. You’ll find that the rumors are true, and your metabolism moves slower than a snail at the DMV as you get older. If you continue washing down brownies with Mountain Dew and discounting the value of working out, you will pay. I assure you that once you’ve officially gotten out of shape, it’s so much harder to get fit. The mere sight of a treadmill will make you want to run anywhere but on it.
2. Spending substantial amounts of money on farfetched concepts. Buying several lottery tickets, playing the slot machines and joining pyramid schemes are all poor decisions, with slim chances of making profit. (Heads Up: 99% of well-dressed individuals who approach you with a business proposal / job opportunity just want you to help them build an unprofitable pyramid.)
3. Staying involved in destructive relationships. In middle school and high school, everyone dated everyone – but your 20s should see stricter standards and principles enforced. There’s no sense in being with someone whom you can’t picture yourself happily with in the foreseeable future. Don’t get me wrong, fixing damaged relationships is great; but trying to glue back a thousand broken pieces while getting cut in the process is unhealthy.
4. Cohabitating with a lover whom you’re not married to. Often couples convince themselves that moving in together is a splendid idea, when that’s not always the case. Sure, some live happily together, but it’s not for everyone. Be certain that you’re not rushing into things. It’s not as simple as sharing a shower, owning his and hers robes, and having sex frequently. Many characteristics are revealed, and obnoxious habits are exposed. Living with a significant other too early can be detrimental to the entire relationship.
5. Accepting and embracing drama. When you graduate high school, the cattiness and immaturity proceed to follow some. We have to refuse to be a part of any high school level shenanigans. Hearsay, gossip, he-said-she-said – all those bastards got a diploma and followed some miserable souls well into their 20s. It’s a matter of rejecting the slightest hint of drama, and wisely refusing to speak, act, or feel anything based off of it.
6. Settling for a subpar job that makes you miserable. Hard work and dedication, no matter who the employer, are admirable traits. If you find yourself performing unhappily at a place, be certain that you’re just doing so as a means to get by until you can pursue your personal goals. Every opportunity to take a shot at your dream career should be greeted passionately by you. Too often people forget that the 20s are an ideal decade for trial and error. Test things out, then fail or succeed.
7. Putting excessive amounts of value in attention received on social networks. Gauging your popularity and significance by the amount of likes your Facebook statuses got. Feeling physically unappealing because your Instagram photo – which you spent an absurd amount of time selecting an effect for – didn’t get a satisfying amount of compliments and responses.
8. Being a pushover. Little things like accepting the wrong drink at Starbucks, or pretending not to notice someone cutting you in line aren’t crucial. The issue is the snowball effect that follows. People see that you’ll give an inch, so they’ll greedily take a mile. In today’s world, it’s hard to be nice without somebody trying to take advantage of your kindness. Establish firm limitations that people know better than to cross. It might take temporary sternness, but in the long run it’ll pay off.
9. Taking pride in being widely considered a b-tch or a d-ck. Why being loathed (for good reason) has become a fad is beyond me, but it’s definitely a thing. It’s fantastic to be who you are, but to consciously treat people sh-tty and then brag about having “haters” is just dumb. Nobody is invincible – so continuously pouring gasoline, lighting matches and burning bridges will come back to haunt anyone eventually.
10. Being self-destructive. Continuing personally damaging conduct, with no intentions of stopping can have a lasting effect on your 20s. Getting arrested, pissing off friends, being irresponsible with finances – these are just a few of the seemingly infinite ways to ruin one’s self.
11. Passing on spontaneous adventures and the opportunity to experience new things. If friends are taking an impromptu trip to a nearby city, pack a small bag and roll with. These little things are what make the decade. Beyond the inside jokes and perspective on classic stories that you’ll miss out on, you’ll lack good times. If serious responsibility isn’t withholding your presence, then nothing else should be. Attend gatherings, give unfamiliarity a chance and build a résumé of awesome memories.
12. Remaining bitter. If you’re still angry with the ex from over five years ago, or badmouthing the company that didn’t hire you – do yourself and those around you a favor by stopping. The anger is unhealthy to hold on to, plus it makes you a misery to be around. Bitter passes are typically handed out to the freshly dumped, or recently rejected – but in time you must forgive or forget. Whichever you choose; be firm on it.
13. Making yourself difficult to love. By being shutdown and over-complicated, you create a seemingly impenetrable shirt, doused in cupid repellant. We all struggle in our own unique, disastrous ways – the key is to fix them. Making yourself available, approachable and open/honest will work wonders for your love life.
14. Being a pessimistic, opinionated hater. Yeah, that’s something we all want to be around in our spare time. Every movie out isn’t terrible, every song isn’t garbage. This personality type is in for a reality check when eventually nobody wants anything to do with ‘em.
15. Spending large chunks of time dreaming about a utopic, perfect world in which everything is just peachy. Having high hopes and aspirations for the future is a great thing, it’s just important to draw the line of frequency somewhere. Picturing a fantasy land in which you own nice things, are surrounded by beautiful people and have Uncle Scrooge sized piles of money isn’t going to bring those things to fruition. The dreaming is the easy part, it’s the living that requires some heavy lifting and effort.

Why I Don’t Feel Bad About Breaking Up with Friends

Several years ago, a former schoolmate invited me to her wedding. I was surprised because we had barely exchanged text messages for eons. I politely declined via SMS without revealing why but a mutual friend let the cat out of the bag unintentionally.

When the bride-to-be found out, she was furious. She sent me a nasty SMS telling me how upset she was and vowed never to speak to me again. Since then, she has ignored me whenever we run into each other. Honestly, I can’t say I care – that’s how distant we’ve become.

That incident showed me how people use different benchmarks to measure the quality of friendship. My ex-schoolmate considered me to be a good friend because we’d known each other since we were 13. But how long I’ve known someone isn’t a good gauge of closeness for me.

What matters most to me is being able to let my guard down and be myself with someone I call a friend. Yes, a fair number of my closest friends are from school but I have also forged friendship with people I’ve met in more recent years.

I firmly believe in being discerning when it comes to who I spend my time with. Why should I bother if I have to rack my brains to carry on a conversation with you? That’s my litmus test to determine whether you’re a “stay” or a “nay.” And if you’ve been tagged the latter you’re an acquaintance – that means meeting up once in a blue moon.

Mean? Perhaps. But if our once lively chats have degenerated into small talk, then I ‘m doing us both a favour.

————————————————————

Breaking up is hard to do.

I admit I wasn’t always this resolute about saying goodbye to friends, even when I realised we had grown apart. It is undoubtedly comforting to relive “the good ol’ days” with familiar faces. Public relations consultant Melissa Thomas, 30, shares similar sentiments. She treasures her friends from school because they were there for her throughout herkgrowing-up years. “We’ve shared many happy moments and also seen each other through tough times. They will naturally have a special place in my heart,” she says.

Katherine Ho, 24, a private tutor, agrees, adding that she fondly remembers sharing significant moments, like her first kiss, with friends from her teenage years.

These emotional bonds can be difficult to sever because people like familiarity and security, says Dr. Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre. “Furthermore, by the time you reach your 20s and 30s, these friends would have supported you through experiences like examination failures, break-ups with boyfriends and job problems. They will always be li.ked to these memorable life events.”

Clinging on to friendships is all well and good if you still are genuinely in sync with someone but it should never feel like an obligation to keep in touch. More often than not, friendships change, says Dr. Wang. “Friendships that met your needs then may not meet your needs now. If you’re a single woman, you may find that a friend who is now a stay-at-home mother can’t understand what you’re going through at work, and vice versa.”

I have accepted that this is a fact of life. I can’t (and don’t want to) talk about where to shop for the best diapers or baby formula. I value engaging conversations and gravitate towards people who are opinionated or share my love for yoga or outdoor sports.

————————————————————

Feeling bad no more.

So why have I become choosier about who I spend my time with? Because of a hefty dose of reality mixed with sheer social exhaustion. I often feel overstretched because of my packed-to-the-brim calendar.

Here’s the rundown of one of my recent weekends: Rock concert with friends, dialogue session with women entrepreneurs, cousin’s baby’s baptism, tea with my grandparents, volunteer work, yoga class and dinner with friends – all in the span of 48 hours! I think I managed to squeeze some sleep somewhere in there, too.

As you can see, I run the risk of spreading myself too thin. I wouldn’t have it any other way because weekends are the best time to catch up on personal pursuits and family time (and to go on dates). So I have no choice but to compromise on the friends I meet because there are a finite number of hour in a day.

Even research has shown that we can’t handle too many close friends at one go. UK-based evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar says that we can only have five friends in our inner circle, while Mark Vernon, author of The Philosophy of Friendship, says the magic number is probably between six and twelve. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So, if I want to get close to someone new, I have to get rid of someone first.

The tricky part is breaking up with someone within a group. Case in point: Recently, some friends and I agreed that we’d had enough of a particular friend’s antics, like how she’s perpetually very late when she meets us.

But when I suggested ousting her from the group, everyone else protested. “She has a good heart,” they insisted. I rolled my eyes. Many people out there have “good hearts” (unless you’re a sociopath).

Eventually, we decided we’d include her in our monthly meet-ups but nothing more.

————————————————————

Being decisive and realistic.

Ironically, my best friend is someone I’ve known since I was in primary one. Our friendship has stood the test of time because we unconditionally accept each other for who we are. We also can be (and have been) brutally honest with each other whenever we need to be.

Premila knows I’m a hypochondriac and I am tolerant of her flaws (which I shan’t reveal here because I still want to be friends with her). We text and call each other several times a week and usually meet up once fortnightly. I appreciate her for being there for me through the toughest times in my life like break-ups, my paternal grandma’s passing and car accidents.

Still, I know I appear unsentimental (and ruthless) about friendships but I see my approach as being decisive – and realistic. It simply means I have more time for the people and activities that matter most.

Question how meaningful your existing friendships are, decide if they’re worth keeping and stick to your guns. I say Facebook is a good place to start culling your list of friends.